I feel calm now. It's like a ten thousand tonne pile of bricks have just been lifted off me. Im not angry at you, not that I should have been anyways. Thank you though. Im still a little disappointed but I suppose it's time for me to look past it, and now work on a friendship with you. That seems about right.
Also, house sat this weekend and i've never felt so independant. I know that's a little weird, but like.. i don't know. This whole moving out thing seems fantastic, though im aware of the responsibilities involved. Here, I don't pay annnnnnnny bills, but I did just buy groceries. Haha, it made me feel responisble, in a werid sort of way. Maybe this is how children are suppose to think.
Im not ready yet.
later vox, and lish if you're creepin'.
i have a hangover, and i don't get them at all. I'd rather take a blow to the head with a mallet. ugh.
im such a baby.
some writing I've been doing the past couple days.
i've been discovered sitting in this empty bus, but i just go back to sleeping. i don't need to be woken up for my stop because im not actually going anywhere. Except away from her. I relise this only goes as far as the end of town, but i couldn't stay where i was. The place where our bodies first entangled, our hearts beated faster, and where she left me. People think im being irrational but anything that fucking reminds me of her might as well be missile through my chest. Burning, always burning. I see people around, thinking they're in love, and I want to scream in their face. Warn them what they're going to cause each other. You can only admire something for so long before you throw it under the fucking bed.
Another part to the same story, just a different time.
- As i'm walking down the streets, i hear the cries of the city. Ambulance, walk signals, everthing. And I find it peaceful, entertaining even. Im not sure where im going, or how i got here, but I know that I belong. The same lady that owns the laundry mat and the shitty coffee shop stops to feed one of the flea ridden cats. Discusting, I think to myself. But I don't care, I belong here. I walk into her store hoping to god she washed her hands before serving me. I've been coming here for two and a half years, and she still doesn't know my name.
"Im Darren," I say. She smiles apologetically and nods, but walks away without talking my order. Thankfully, she places a cup of coffee in front of me. It tastes like piss, but I don't care, Im fucking tired.
A young asian girl comes to take my order. She's about twenty, and perhaps the owners daughter. Very cute, but not interested. I order pancakes, and off she goes. She seems disappointed, and I hope it's not because of me. It probably was though, I seem to have been doing that often lately. Disappointing people I mean.
